Toothless Finalization

It's amazing how fast and slow 6 months can go!  So much of the last 6 months is blur of survival; good news, all 5 pictured above proves we have SURVIVED! Let me tell you a little bit about that day.

1.  We were before the judge for a matter of 3 minutes tops!
2.  Josiah, the child who wants to be held all day long every day, chose this to be the 3 minutes that he didn't want to be held.
3.  While nothing in our daily life changed in these 3 minutes, we did officially add TWO more Knops to the our clan.  That's right; names now match mommy, daddy, and sister.
4.  The significance of this day became clear just 3 days later.

That's right; three days after finalization we had to make a decision as parents that had 4-5 year impact for Josiah.  We went to the park to play on a gorgeous day.  While putting Josiah in the swing, he smiled his huge sweet grin. BAM! I see his cracked front tooth. Mind you, our son didn't cry of pain at all when he cracked his tooth so I have no idea how he actually did this to his tooth! Mom of the year award right there. Anyway, per suggestion of our friend and dentist (Dr. Hassler at Legend Dental if you are in the market for a dentist), we began the search of a pediatric dentist open on a Saturday.  Side note: If you want to work Monday-Thursday with a 90 minute lunch break, specialize in pediatric dentistry. BUT, if you need one, Dr. Melanson at Austin Children's Dentistry was fantastic!) Upon x-rays, it was clear due to the nerve being exposed that we had to do something. After weighing our options we decided to extract his front tooth as putting him under general anesthesia didn't seem worth it for a baby tooth.  He is still so dang cute toothless! And interestingly enough, had this happened before finalization, the same decision would likely have been made but we would have been contacting the adoption agency before pulling it.  It was honestly a little weird but wonderful that we weren't contacting the agency to keep them in the loop.

While this whole experience was a bit traumatic for mom, it also became an event that solidified Josiah and Jolie as Knops. We had to make the decision to pull his tooth, in his best interest. And it will have lasting impact as his permanent tooth will be a long a time coming!  And maybe that's why he chipped his tooth; it left us, Josiah's parents, to make a lasting, long-term decision further demonstrating that God has made Jolie and Josiah permanent Knops.

As parents we sacrificed Josiah's front tooth for his greater good.  I was logically on board with Dr. Melanson when we chose to extract Josiah's tooth. Once blood started flow, I was a wreck.  In light of Good Friday, I am thinking of what God sacrificed for my greater good. Imagine the emotion God felt on Good Friday; seriously consider what God and Jesus endured. Both knew exactly why Jesus came to earth and that Jesus would be sacrificed once for all (1 Peter 3:18). We know Jesus struggled with the plan as he prayed in Gethsemane for another way (Matthew 26:36-42, Mark 14:32-39, Luke 22:39-46). I am left pondering what God may have felt allowing Jesus to be whipped, beaten, mocked, spit upon, and crucified. If you are parent, think of how you feel when your child is truly suffering? I can only imagine that the crucifixion had to be exponentially more emotional.  See, I sacrificed something of Josiah's for Josiah; but God sacrificed His son for others, for ME.

Without the 6 months of survival/struggle as a family of 5 and 3 minutes before the judge, our children's adoption isn't final. Without Good Friday, God's adoption of me isn't final either.  I'm left celebrating this Good Friday with a slightly different perspective.  Enduring suffering and long days filled with trials led to potentially one of the most defining moments of our family. Jesus' enduring the cross led to one of the most defining moments in the history of the world and for me personally.

What trials are you barely surviving? What's your perspective?  Can you trust that the trials may be leading to something great? Hold on, fight the good fight because resurrection Sunday is coming.


**People continue to ask how they can support our new family. Please continue to pray and consider a financial donation to finish our race! You can donate here.

He looks just like......

YOU!  That is not a typo y'all..... Let me tell you the story.

Does he look like me???

I had a last minute opportunity to visit Virginia, but more importantly visit one of my dearest friends over Valentine's Day weekend.  (YES, my husband and I chose to do Valentine's day apart..GASP! Sidenote #1: my daughters had one of the best Valentine's with daddy). Anyway, there was no way just a mere 5 months into our new family of 5 that daddy was going to man the fort with all 3 kiddos for 5 days (Let it be know, mommy wouldn't have either).  It was about $400 worth of clarity to know which kids were staying home as Josiah still flies FREE (Sidenote #2: Airlines are smart to make it under 2 flies free....2 may be stretching it because the airplane was not so much for my mobile son!).

So the trip to VA was pretty much awesome if we weren't on an airplane.  Great food, company, and guilty pleasure of Impractical Jokesters (Sidenote #3: watch it! So funny but not a family friendly option).  Moving right along to stepping off the last airplane of the trip in Austin, TX. Incredibly exhausted from little sleep and standing for 90 minutes (thanks to a middle seat between two business men...thank you Delta!), the flight attendant at the door says, "He looks just like you!"

My response, "Thank you! Have a great day!" Now, my son is pretty dang handsome so I'm not insulted but I don't think he looks like a girl either :) But this did leave me with some interesting thoughts.

1. I am often sensitive/paranoid to what our new family looks like to other people. As I have pondered this more, it was actually refreshing (and very comical) that others saw Josiah as my son.  The last 5 months have been "SEE PREVIOUS POST"and so this moment has helped me see that we are forming as a family.
2. I don't have to explain my family to everyone. I love being an advocate for adoption and our family is a testimony to such.  But not everyone all the time needs the full story.  Through adoption training, we are encouraged to be cautious with what we do share about our children's stories but it is certainly a balancing act and this was a moment for me to let it be.  Yup, he is my son.
3.  And now the zinger: How much do I say as a person to fill space/ease tension/break silence? I'm reading and listening to a sermon series in James.  ...But no human being can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3:8). This flight attendant was truly sincere and sweet; no evil intent.  But I do know the truth that Josiah doesn't have any of my genetics to look like me so as I have thought about it the last few weeks, I keep thinking about things I might say because my tongue is restless.  Definition of restless: Unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom.  As a woman (yes, even me...haha if you know me well), we are flippant with our tongue.  Prayer requests can quickly turn to gossip and I don't stop it.  I can actually pick a fight with my husband just because I can't be quiet! I don't like quiet so I know I often fill the space from boredom.  Or when trying to comfort a friend I HAVE to say something instead of being silent and listening. This is still being flushed out in my head and heart with actual application, but I can tell God is speaking to me about it  And it might just be best to zip it and listen.
4.  Lastly, people must think I have a very handsome black husband :)

How's everything going?

So I'm taking a stab at another post.  Totally skipped January because I honestly forgot between throwing my 5 year old a "Frozen" party, celebrating Cory's birthday less than one week later, and having an incredible visit from dear friends the Smeedings AND my incredible brother, sister-in-law, and CUTEST niece in the whole world!

Big news....we have a finalization date of March 25th.  Crazy to think it will have been 6 months by then because the days are LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG...did you catch that emphasis?  And yet somehow with the long days, the months have flown by. No doubt the flying by is only possible because of the AMAZING community we have and prayers that are being offered. Please still consider donations to paying off the adoption because it would awesome to finish by finalization.

Now, the title of my post...."How's everything going?' I really have no idea sometimes how to answer that question.  Because it isn't all unicorns and rainbows over here people!  This is hands-down the hardest, most difficult, and hopefully most rewarding thing God has ever asked of us.  Why so hard? Well, you know me and how much I LOVE TODDLERS! And yet God gave me two more to love, cherish, and adopt into our family as He adopted me into his...no merit and not earned. Also, 1 to 3 kids is quite the jump (I wonder what 2 is like???) Anyway, this is tough stuff and not enough moms are willing to say that this is TOUGH; like way tougher than anyone is willing to tell you (catch that vicious cycle?) But I believe with so many people asking that question I have realized one thing...CRAZY IS OUR NEW NORMAL, and I have to get on board with that.  I'm realizing my expectation of my "life" coming back just won't happen when you have 5 very sinful people in a household.  And how deceived was I when it was just 3! Bottom line, I was just really good at imposing my selfishness upon 1 because I didn't have 3. Also, mommies needs to start telling the truth! Because this stuff is ridiculous awesome and awful, horrendous and hopeful, wretching and rewarding.

But, do people really want hear this when they ask? Because adoption is beautiful and awesome, I sense they want to hear that everything is dandy. If you are reading this hoping for that answer, you probably shouldn't ask me! :) The best part in all of this....it is where God wants us.  Right in the thick of it, totally reliant on His ability to get us through the day (more gracefully than others some days). While this is difficult, God is moving.  God is showing me my selfishness in ways I never would have seen with these two new little ones.  He is sanctifying my family in ways that never could have happened without my two new children. Where else would I want be?